Self Portraits: Reflecting on Personal Growth

This is an ongoing project that I continually add to from year to year as I photograph myself. I’ve specifically kept this collection of photographs to be of myself, made by myself. Accompanying the photographs are a brief reflection that highlights my thought process as a student of the fine arts and photography.

2016

In my final year in college, I enrolled in a film photography course because I had a gap in my schedule. I never owned a camera before, even in the era of smart phones and social media. I was very focused and passionate about my art, but the more I learned to use this machine, the more I fell in love with its magical way of capturing instantaneous pictures at the press of a button. Needless to say, this sparked a revolution in my art making and I could only hold on for the wild ride to come.

2017

With a year of experimentation and exploration, I really started to stretch my wings as a baby photographer by taking my camera everywhere with me and literally photographing everything at least thrice. This was an essential time to make many mistakes and become familiar with the camera and how it really worked. I challenged myself in many ways by trying different focal lengths, a few different cameras, and even cleaning and repairing some filthy lenses. In the end I made many, many poor and boring pictures, but many fine memories too.

2018

At the start of this new year, I dedicated myself to a single project. I set out to make a photo essay about San Francisco’s Chinatown with a TLR camera. I enjoyed the structure of the self assigned task, but like many things during this period of my life I couldn’t keep myself focused on a singular task and it didn’t last more than four months. I ended up getting impatient with the slow approach of medium format and went back to 35mm film. It was here that I took a deep dive into the city streets to try and capture the fleeting moments of daily life.

2019

By this year I was soaring through hundreds of rolls of film and not producing the results I connected with. I walked miles on the streets and photographed almost every day, but I could never truly connect with the subjects I interacted with. After seeking some much needed guidance from a former professor from college, I went back into darkroom work and started making silver gelatin prints again in a public darkroom space. At this time I also had a preliminary brain surgery to determine if I was eligible for a resection surgery to help with the seizure disorder I’ve had since childhood. With camera in hand, It was this surgery that would change my life forever.

2020

The surgery was held early January and a side effect of having a slice of my brain removed was that I couldn’t move or feel any part of my left side of my body for weeks. So I had to be in rehab for almost a month to relearn how to walk, talk, eat, and perform other very basic tasks I took for granted. Nevertheless, my spirits were high because I saw this as a learning opportunity and potential for great change. Drawing inspiration from artists and photographers that I looked up to, I reflected much on my past and future self. I was determined to become twice the man I was before. Despite documenting extensively with my Leica, I asked for my 4x5 camera to be brought to me and I exposed this sheet. This was the beginning of my love for large format photography that I have today.

2021

Since the day I took that self portrait in rehab, I have made it a tradition to photograph myself every year. Large format photography has taken over my workflow. I wanted to continue to make prints, but the pandemic in 2020 set in stone a work at home attitude. After reading about Edward Weston’s printing practice, I converted my bathroom into a darkroom and made prints a priority over scanning negatives. I now carry my large format camera as far as i can on the many trails and streets of SF, but still I struggle because I feel like my mind and thoughts are not focused on one process.

2022

I could go on and on about what happened in 2022, but here is not the space for that. Personally, I grew so much this year and I can’t pin it down to one thing. I dedicated this year to large format photography, shooting about 90% of my photography on sheet film. I stepped away from social media for over an entire year to focus on myself and this website. I read many self help books about art, business, philosophy, and spirituality that made me rethink and relearn my beliefs as a person and as an artist. I met new and wonderful people who challenged me and pushed me to explore new areas of my work that I never would have thought of pursuing. This year has been so rewarding and I am so grateful for everyone here reading this, supporting me, and making my dreams come true.

2023

This year was filled with ambition and it had a lot of ups and downs. Day one, I bought a Kodak 2D 8x10 inch view camera and have been very pleased to fulfill this dream of mine. I also started dry plate photography and alternative methods of printing and was a featured photographer in a magazine. I got back into social media, only to step away from it once again by the end of the year. I traveled to Beijing, China with my wife and met her family. The experience of being in a foreign country were you cannot read or communicate with anyone is wonderful. I felt like an infant and I found it an enjoyable, humbling, experience. However, by the end of this year, I am feeling like I had little milestones. Although, I might have come quite far in many respects, I don’t seem to be satisfied with how my progress is going.

2024

Present day…