Brain on Fire

“Do you feel that?” I asked my friend, Sheldon, as we were walking side by side to the school library.
I touched his cheek with the back side of my left hand. Hoping that he also felt the slight tingle that I was silently questioning to myself.
”Uh, yeah.” He responded as if I was stupid or something. Even at ten years old, I remember thinking how idiotic it must sound to have me ask that question. Obviously he could not feel what was going on inside my body.

This memory of asking Sheldon if he could feel my hand is the first memory of my epilepsy disorder. At ten years old, it was still in its infancy and I could only feel a slight tingle in my left hand. This feeling came and went on occasion, but progressed into a life altering and

In 2019 and 2020 I underwent corrective brain surgery to locate and remove a piece of my brain that was not functioning correctly. It’s difficult to summarize 20 years in a few lines of text, but at the age of 10, I was diagnosed with an epilepsy disorder. After 20 years the symptoms became dreadfully worse despite the increase in medication and breakthrough medical procedures. Finally, at the age of 32 years, my doctor suggests to participate in a new procedure that has the potential to put and end to the seizures once and for all.

I documented this life changing experience in the hospital and rehabilitation center with a 35mm camera. I took over 200 photographs and and made a few notes and drawings.

I asked for my camera and turned my lens to myself the moment I woke up from a very long, very exhausting surgery.

Some drawing and notes during rehabilitation

From a different lens

Mitchell's Journey Thus Far (A Facebook post by my mom)

Out of all the photographs I took, this self portrait impressed me the most. Taken with a large format camera, I asked my girlfriend to bring me my 4x5 inch camera and a single film holder I loaded months ago. I fought with my whole body to keep my head up and since this was days out of brain surgery. While the memories of those other photographs fade with time, this one seems to stay permanent.

What am I doing now?

I continue to take self portraits on the same day (January 12) of this moment in rehab. Since then I have used the heavy large format camera as a meditation and tool to build mental and physical strength. I could barely walk in early 2020 and now I feel like no mountain is too high, nor horizon too far for my view camera. I consider my brain surgery a rebirth, and with that rebirth I strive to become twice the man I was before.

By 2019 I was taking maximum dose of 3 medications, but still having multiple small seizures daily, with full body (grand-mal) seizures occurring every week or two. This operation changed my life. The seizures have ceased. My medication intake has dramatically decreased. I can get a full nights sleep. I can think clearly. I count the days, weeks, months, and years that I stay seizure free. I look onward to a more fully lived life.

In 2020, I was reborn. Now I am alive.